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Rocky Mountain Vacation

I'm back from Chloe M's First Annual Vacation.  This year it was Calgary / Canmore / Banff.  What a trip!  I didn't get to do everything, but you won't believe the things I got to do and to see! 

I met the new baby of our family.  She was born on August 13th.  Her name is Elle, but they are calling her Ellie while she is little.  She is 6 lbs some-thing-or-other, but her freakishly big feet are 3 inches long already!!  All she does is eat, sleep, potty, and make little noises.  Trish and Paul, her mom and dad, are looking a bit tired but none-the-worse for wear.  Trish is breast feeding the little glutton and her doctor told her to stuff her bra with cabbage leaves for relief.  TOO FUNNY!!

Trish and Paul also have a dog.  His name is Cub.  He's like 10 times as big as me...a husky-ish / shepardish mix...but he plays real gentle, being very careful not to squash me with his big paws and he uses his nose to roll and bat me around instead of his teeth.  Thanks goodness!

I met two other dogs on my trip when we had dinner with Ron Carriere and his brood.  He's got a young dog, a Westie, named Leroy and an old, little bit deaf dog named Bart.  We all got along famously.  They even let me eat their dog food and showed me how to help do the dishes after dinner.

We stayed in a wonderful condo in Canmore with a fantastic view!  Bad part was going down 3 floors to go potty....had to hurry, hurry, hurry every morning with Magoo in her pj's.  I went for long walks (they call them hikes out here), saw some wildlift that I'd never even dreamed of before, and I rode the gondola up to the top of Sulphur Mountain.  Big Bear and Silly Sarah (I call her that because she always makes me laugh) hiked all the way up Sulphur Mountain to the top.  It took them 1.5 hrs.  I was a bit scared in the loading zones for the gondola because of all the noise, but it was cool once I was in the gondola.  Giggles was waaaaaaaaay more scared than me!  I took a scenic, guided boat tour around Lake Minnewanka to Devil's Gap.  Magoo, Giggles, Silly Sarah, and Big Bear went on a helicopter ride over the mountains.  There was more hiking, rafting, and a trip to the Calgary Zoo.  We all went to Lake Louise too....wow!....beautiful!  And did a short stint in BC when Fluffy accidentally drove way past the turn off on our way to Lake Louise.  On our last vacation day I was smuggled in my Sherpa bag into the Royal Tyrell Museum which doesn't allow dogs.  I bet I'm the only canine to have seen all those dinosaur bones in that fancy museum.

Then it was off to home.  I must say I was a bit homesick by then.  We drove and drove and drove and drove.  I got so good at sleeping in the car that I could do it sitting up!

Sure is good to be home....for a day or two before I head off for a short stay in Gimli.

Here's some photos....click on them if you want to see a bigger version...also, for more photos, visit our Flickr website by clicking here.  At the site, click on the Canmore album (on the right side) and, if you want, click to View as Slideshow.

                                                                                   

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!

YIPEE!!!

Today is my birthday.  At first I wasn't sure what that was, but Magoo told me it is the day my light first began to shine.

I didn't realize I was shiny, but Magoo says I'm very bright.

I slept in today.  Magoo says that's what you get to do on your birthday.  She also says that you get to open presents and eat cake.

I got a wonderful pink and yellow tie-dye tank top that says 'Love' and I got a roll-up travel blanket that is soft on one side, waterproof on the other side, has pockets for packing and ties up into a roll with a shoulder strap.  Waaaay cool.  That Magoo spoils me rotten!

Cake comes later, Magoo says mysteriously as she is still under the delusion that my birthday party tonight is a suprise one. 

I will spend the day in front of the mirror practicing my suprised face as I wouldn't want to dissapoint my Magoo.

Magoo is taking the whole day off work.  Fluffy has to go to work to make the bacon that buys my Beggin' Strips.  Giggles says she'll go to work on getting my birthday declared a national holiday so no one has to work!  Oh joy!

Can't wait for that cake!!

MY BIRTHDAY

Guess what?!  I will be turning 1 on August 8th and Magoo is throwing me a suprise birthday party.  Shhhhh, don't tell me!   She's invited all my 4-legged doggie friends and my 2-legged family.  Wish I could invite EVERYONE and their dogs!  So does Magoo, but I overheard Giggles tell her that we can't invite strangers and can only invite people and dogs we know in the real world.  Sorry to all my e-friends, but I'll be thinking of you when eating cake! :)

HAPPY BDAY MAGOO!

It is Magoo's birthday today (June 18).  She is 39...Fluffy tells me that.  Magoo says her birthdays stopped at 37.  Fluffy told me that she even lied about her age at the Vatican...and you can't get any closer to the Pope and therefore, supposedly, to the Big Guy himself.  That Magoo!

Magoo was tired from a long, hot day racing around the Vatican like a whirlwind, following a wonderfully informative and entertaining tour guide.  At the very end of the tour, Magoo, Giggles, and Fluffy had gotten separated from the group and coudln't find the exact meeting place where they were to all hook up again.  Fluffy really, really wanted to see St Peter's Cathedral which was to be the last stop on the tour.  Of course, who wants to go all the way to Vatican City and not see one of the most famous places of worship.

Magoo was really pooped though after walking through the many corridors and rooms (over 5 miles) that comprise the complex known as the Vatican Museum.  For some reason, the way from the museums to the cathedral was not passable and Magoo didn't want to race all the way around the outter walls and back to the horseshoe-ish shaped courtyard and then stand in the immense line of people waiting to get in to St Peter's.

"Go on," Magoo told Giggles and Fluffy, "I'll take a leisurely walk and meet you back at the tip of the horseshoe."

"No," Giggles said, "I'm sure you want to come with us."

"Yes," Fluffy added, "you can't miss this."

"C'mon, honey, "Giggles said putting an arm around Magoo's shoulders and beginning to lead her away.

"Yes, let's roll," Fluffy said leading the way all full of p and v to see the cathedral, but unwilling to leave Magoo who's vision wasn't entirely perfect at that time.

"No, that's okay.  I'm done." Magoo said definitively.

"Let's go this way," Giggles said, refusing to leave Magoo on her own, dragging her after Fluffy.

"JESUS!" Magoo cursed rather loudly, taking the Lord's name in vane (and asking forgiveness later ;) She stomped her foot in a tantrum and continued ranting, "What part of 'I'm done' don't you understand?!  I'm 37 years old and I KNOW what I want to do and don't want to do!"

Shocked at the uncharacteristic outburst from Magoo, especially one in the quiet Vatican, Giggles and Fluffy stared at her agog.  Then Fluffy quietly leaned over and in his understated way whispered "You're 38."

And Magoo couldn't help laughing at herself for making such a mistake that she was lying to God who surely must be within ear-shot as His #1 guy was in-residence.  She mentally admonished herself for out-bursting in the Vatican and chuckled at the small scene she had made.  She sure was glad none of the storm-trooper police, or Swiss guards were around to chase her away with while shouting "Silenzo" in loud, reverbrating Italian.

Magoo says, she's going to say she's 37 forever now, just to remind her of that moment and her wonderful European trip with her bestest friends.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MAGOO!!!!

WILLOW THE WICKED PT 3

With my bandaged butt, booby-trapped toy box, stolen toys, I thought I was done for the day.  I thought I could breathe easy for a spell, but nooooooooo, Willow The Wicked had other ideas.  There I  was in the backyard waiting for Magoo to go for a walk.  I'd let my guard down in my anticipation of my favorite activity.  Magoo had attached the retractable leash to my harness and was donning her walking backpack when the Evil Queen of Feline Evilness (that'd be Willow) casually, but very deliberately, swiped a paw over the leash knocking the contraption to the ground. 

OH MY LORD!  The bang scared the beejeebusses out of me.  I looked behind and didn't recognize the leash as Magoo had tied an empty poop bag onto it.  It looked like a zombified orange and yellow rabbit with plastic ears.  I took off doing the 100 yard dash faster than any Olympian of ancient or modern times.  But, the doggie-eating zombie rabbit was hot on my tail, breathing fetid carrot-breath down the scruff of my neck. 

I ran and ran all over the yard in terrified circles, big eyes full of fear looking back every so often to see if the zombie had gained any ground on me.  Magoo was cackling her cackle laugh and saying something that sounded reassuring. 

Reassuring, schmeassuring.  I've seen Dawn of the Dead and you don't stop when there's zombies about.  Magoo finally caught me and showed me that the flesh-eating zombie rabbit was only my retractable leash.  Boy, did I feel foolish.  Still, everytime I see that leash, I get the tremblin' willies.

I'm plotting my revenge against Willow The Wicked.  Suggestions are most welcome.  Diagrams too.  Please send asap for today I noticed a copy of Soldier of Fortune magazine in Willow's kennel, along with a recent photo of me, and a postmarked envelope addressed to Killer c/o Mercanaries4U!  I see also that someone has sent an email to ACDC29@dirtydeedsdonedirtcheap.com

 

WILLOW THE WICKED PT 2

After being washed and disenfected by Doctor Giggles, I made my way into the living room where I have a toy box.  Someone (with long grey and white tabby hair) put the lid on so I couldn't get my toys out of it.  Finally, Magoo got close enough to the box to see that it was closed and she opened it for me. I dove into my toy box only to find a toothpick rigged in a homemade CATapult made up of an elastic wound around a half-chewed bone!!

Guess who's been staying up watching reruns of MacGyver on the DejaVu station?  Hmmmmm.....not me (my bed time is 10pm).....not Missy (she's to lazy to watch tv).....not Magoo (she's in bed with me).....not Fluffy (he's been sleeping for hours so he can get up at 5am and pace the floor).....not Giggles (she's still working as a woman's work is never done).....IT'S WILLOW!

With the toy box lid securely stored under the toy box, I suddenly noticed the disappearance of my toys.  All day long and one by one they had vanished.  First was my floppy-eared, pink dog who I can make squeek when I walk about spasming like I have Tourette's Syndrome.  Not a pretty sight, but it does the job.  Next my skinny dog was gone without so much as a by-your-leave. 

Then I heard a crack and a rumble...I cringed down low to the ground thinking the God of Thunder was about to warm up for his heat in the Inter-galatic Lightning Tossing Competition by using me for target practice.  But, no, I looked up to see the smelly belly of a broken-backed camel crashing down on my little poodle-curled head!

"OH MY FREAKING FREAKAZOIDS!" I screamed whilst slapping a padded doggie paw up against each side of my face.  My very favorite, bestest toy...a yellow cat puppet...was gone!  AWOL.  "Call in the CBI (Canine Bureau of Investigation)...there's been a toynapping!" I screeched.

Not wanting to wait for the arrival of the 4-legged, Doggles wearing special agents from the CBI, I whined and whined (in a graceful, dignified way) and ran about in circles until a bewildered Magoo was forced to investigate.  Luckily, she came back with all my toys.  That darned Willow had taken them downstairs and she knows I haven't figured out how to go down an entire flight of stairs.  Oh the devious devilishness!

WILLOW THE WICKED PT 1

Willow The Wicked is trying to make me doubt my sanity and do me in whichever comes first.  Blasted cat!  I know it is her.  It could never be my tolerant and patient playmate Missy The Marshmallow. 

The other day Missy sat on Willow.  Missy has a rather large midriff even for a house-bound cat.  Garfield has nothing on Missy!  Understandably, Willow, who's more fur than fat, freaked out, yowling about.  Finally, she escaped her prison of furry fat flesh and made a bee-line for the stairs.  Worried about her, I followed, only to be chased back with spitting hisses and outstretched claws.  I tried showing her my butt to allay her fears and fend off her attack.  I've had good results in the past with butt-showing.  This time, that darned cat scratched my butt to smithereens...no wait....smithereens is what you get when blown up....she scratched my butt to shreds.  Oh all right, it wasn't shredded, but it was bleeding.  Worse, it was bleeding MY blood.  What a conundrum that was....seeing my own blood...giving it a sniff....I didn't know what to do....the sight of it made me feel faint.   Luckily Magoo was there to tell me to put my head between my knees.  The room soon stopped fading in and out and Magoo cleaned me up. 

HAPPY DANCE: The Demo

On May 9th of this year, I described for you my Happy Dance and recommended that you too should have your own Happy Dance.

Today, I will demonstrate my Happy Dance for you.

 

Bravo, you say?  Encore, you demand?  Oh stop the applause....you are all too kind!

D!

  "Horrors!"  eeked out Magoo this morning as she looked into her full length mirror.

"Whazzup?"  I asked with a quizzical tilt of my floppy-eared head.

"Good Gawd!  I'm a D!" Magoo exclaimed as she turned her profile to the mirror.

"A D?"

"And I'm not talking cup-size here!"  Magoo whined on.  "Just look at me Chloe!  I am shaped like a D!  I thought my panties kept falling down because I was losing weight."

"And, don't forget, your skirts ride up to rest under your boobs," I added helpfully.

"Yeah, that too," Magoo mumbled.  "It's not because I'm losing weight; it's because I'm shaped like a D...I have no waist.  Nothing for my waistbands to rest upon.  Oh horrors!"

"Well, actually," I began as I trotted up to the mirror to admire my own indented waist.  "you're more like a capital P with a ink splotch for a head."

"Oh jeeze, thanks for cheering me up," Magoo said with so much sarcasm dripping that it pooled at her feet.

"You could look at the bright side Magoo."

"There's a bright side to this?"

"Sure, doll, you can park in those pink parking spaces reserved for pregnant mommies!  No one's gonna call you on that."

"Thanks C-ster," Magoo mumbled with a lame smile at my lame attempt at cheering up the D / P-shaped friend.

"Oh, so, you're a fat chick," I said consolingly.  "I'll love you even if you get to be shaped like an O!"

"Bite your tongue, Chloe M.  I never want to be an O!"

"Embrace your fat-chickieness," I began but Magoo cut me off.

"Embrace this!" she exclaimed and began chasing me as I took off.  I'm pretty darn fast and at this rate I'll have Magoo shaped like an R in no time at all and with that waist her panties will stay up and her skirts will stay down!

 

TOILET BOWLS

Did you catch that Oprah last week?!  The one where the li'l chickie had done a science study looking at ice in restaurants and comparing it to the water in the restaurant's toilet.  She found a many a food joint where the ice had more germs and bacteria then the toilet water!!  Magoo has always ordered her drinks without ice.  I'm thinking I'll start doing the same thing.  See, Magoo, I told you there was nothing wrong with drinking outta the old t-bowl.